The Sober Widow

Chapter 15

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I have a good reason for not posting recently. First, I was tied up stage-managing a play for Marblehead Little Theatre (and in the process, rediscovering my love for the theatre, which has brought such additional joy into my life). The performances ended on October 13. Then, on October 18, I took my long-awaited trip to Sicily! I was supposed to fly home on the 24^th, but that same day I was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Seems I developed a urinary tract infection and had a fever of 106 (!!!!!). Because the antibiotics could only be administered intravenously, I had to stay in the hospital for an additional two weeks. Check my Facebook page for all the funny stories associated with that! Normally, a UTI can be treated as an outpatient with penicillin, but when you’ve had a kidney transplant, it’s much more serious. Thankfully, I am perfectly fine now (December 10, 2024).

Which leads me right into my next discussion about donors and donees. First, I want to acknowledge an important milestone. Today is my one-year anniversary! My transplant surgery was completed on December 10, 2023. If you’re a Facebook friend or Instagram follower, you know that it has been quite a eventful year. And none of it would have happened without the generous, heartbreaking sacrifice of my donor’s family.

I mentioned this briefly in a prior post. I am asked quite frequently what I know about my donor, and the answer is: practically nothing. I know that it was a young woman, and that she died in an accident. I also don’t know if she chose to be an organ donor or if her family made the wrenching decision themselves. All I know is that I’m very, very sorry for her death, but incredibly grateful to them for having made that choice. I can’t imagine the pain they went through.

When Tony died, I told the hospital that he was an organ donor, and that he wanted to donate whatever he could before cremation. When I got home that night, New England Donor Services (NEDS) called me around midnight and interviewed me for an hour asking about his health history going all the way back to his childhood. I gave them as much information as I had, but there were some blank spaces that I just didn’t know. I offered to contact his sister and brother the next day for more information, but they declined since time was of the essence.

Did you know that the largest organ in the human body is your skin? Even if some of your other organs wouldn’t be eligible for donation, most people can donate skin, which is obviously helpful for burn victims, skin cancer victims and I’m sure many other uses. Due to Tony’s health and age, it is unlikely that some organs were available, but certainly his skin was. And I’m glad about that.

I hope that those of you reading this have made the decision to become an organ donor. It’s very easy to do. You can sign up for that when you renew (or obtain for the first time) your driver’s license, or you can go to organdonor.gov and follow the instructions. I saved a text from my friend Maura when her nephew got his driver’s license. I had contacted her to congratulate him, and this was her response:

“Lisa, I want you to know that (M) is choosing to select “organ donor” for his license. We had a nice conversation, and he brought up about your transplants and how he would one day like to save someone else’s life if it came to that.”

Well – suffice it to say that my mouth dropped open when I read that, and I cried a little bit. I was so honored and proud that my story inspired someone else to become an organ donor. I’d like to ask that if you’re not already one, that you consider it. It obviously does save lives, including mine.

I strongly believe that being the recipient of such a generous donation carries a responsibility to honor the organs and ensure that the donation does not go to waste. For example, if I start drinking alcohol again, it WILL kill me. Also, eating a relatively low-fat diet is a smart idea, as the liver must work a little harder to process fat, so why make it work harder than it has to? I want to live a long life, but only if I’m not so sick that I have no quality of life. And that’s up to me to a large extent.

After I had recuperated enough to allow me to do so, I wrote a letter to the donor family. No, I don’t know who they are, but NEDS gave me an envelope to use if I wanted to do that. The letter goes to NEDS and they pass it along to the family. I provided my name, address and phone number in case they wanted to contact me, but so far (10 months later) I haven’t heard from them. But that’s okay. I expressed my condolences, thanked them profusely and promised them that I would honor the organs so that the sacrifice was not made in vain. I’m glad that at least they know that.

Next time I will talk a little bit about recuperating but wanted to get this out there first in order to touch base on the one-year anniversary. I still can’t believe a year has gone by this fast.

Happy holidays everyone! Merry Christmas if you celebrate. This year will be a little sad, only because it’s my first “real” Christmas without Tony. Last year I was barely out of the hospital, and grieving had been on the back burner for a while so that I could concentrate on the surgery and all that went with it.

Peace and blessings. Hug your loved ones. 😊