The Sober Widow

Chapter 7

I know what you’re thinking: hospitals are clean! Everything in them is clean and sterilized! Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but…not really. I was at both Salem Hospital for a time, and at Mass General for a much longer time, and while the nursing care in both hospitals is top-notch, and you go to MGH for life-saving procedures, the overall cleanliness is…not so much.

Listen, far be it from me to knock either of those places. They took great care of me and I actually forged a very nice relationship with nurses, nurse practitioners, physicians assistants and of course, plenty of doctors. I was there so long that one of the male nurse’s wife had a baby and in the weeks leading up to the birth, he very excitedly told me all about it, and I would have loved to be able to give him a baby gift at the time.

But back to hygiene. In most of my rooms, I had access to a shower right there. But I had at least two, often three, IVs attached to me, as well as 10 heart monitor pads stuck all over my chest and upper abdomen. So taking a shower was next to impossible. I did manage it twice over the weeks but it was a royal pain in the butt, and of course a nurse had to help me the whole time.

So there were a lot of washcloths used. And I managed to brush my teeth most days, while in bed. There were plenty of times I just didn’t even feel well enough to get out of bed, and those poor nurses, bless them, they were wonderful about the dreaded bedpan. Oh, did I hate the bedpan. But sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do. To them, believe it or not, it was no big deal! I was mortified every time. And when you’re on dialysis (we’ll get to that), you’re absolutely tied to the bed for the three to four hour time frame it takes to complete a round. Oh and did I mention that I was on a special medication that took care of the toxicity in my liver in terms of it getting to my brain, but the crappy side effect is that it made me have to go a LOT. Get it? Crappy side effect? 😊

I’m on dialysis, just lying there, and during that four hour time frame at least twice the bedpan came out. Man was that awful!!

OK enough of that. But you do your best to keep yourself clean, and if you’re lucky, you’ll catch a nurse with a little free time to help you, and give you a “bath” while you’re in your bed. They did change the sheets whenever I asked them to. They would have done it every day, but I honestly felt that was wasteful as I really wasn’t doing anything to get myself dirty anyway. I had to postpone running that marathon, dammit.

I’m one of those people that really keeps up with all my grooming needs, from eyebrows to lip waxing to other fuzzy facial hair, etc. You get the drift. After being in the hospital for three weeks, things were starting to grow out of control. And my painted nails and toes were all chipped and growing and I just felt nasty. And also like an old Italian woman with the mustache. Thank goodness my sister-in-law brought me a pair of tweezers! I finally felt human again.

My brother brought me all my moisturizer from home, but you just can’t keep up with all of it when you’re so sick and miserable. And I wasn’t sleeping at night (another side effect of a sick liver – sleep goes bye-bye), just grabbing catnaps during the day here and there, so my skin was seriously looking rough and feeling the effects. (There was a lot of online shopping done at three in the morning, and I should NEVER have watched any of those informercials! I almost bought a Shark vacuum for no apparent reason).

Oh, and those that know me know this, but some of my readers may not: I wear a wig. I lost most of my hair years ago due to alopecia and I decided I was too young and insecure to be bald in public. I really admire those women who wear their baldness proudly. I wish I could be like them, but I can’t. It’s just not me. Anyway, while you’re in the hospital, it makes no sense to wear your wigs because you certainly can’t take care of them properly, and it’s a HOSPITAL so no one really cares. Especially on the transplant and other urgent care wings. So here I am, wearing a cute little cap, but with no hair. As if I couldn’t feel worse about myself anyway.

I could go on and on with this topic but you get the picture. I was the happiest person ever when I finally got home for good, and took my first hot shower. And then had my brother drive me to the salon for some serious waxing! Nails, toes, etc. – if they were publicly traded, their stock would have gone up that day.

I’ll be back soon! Enjoy the spring – we only have one month left until summer!

Sweet dreams.